Boom
by SVU-Obsessed
Summary: Final chapter. A Boomtownstyle fic of the investigation into the murder of a teenage boy. No pairings, no AU's.
1. Chapter One

Josh  
Wednesday January 8th  
"He'll be here soon," I said to myself. "This'll all be over in a minute." Nothing was working to calm my nerves. Just this one meeting and everything would be finished. Outside was dark, cold.  
There was crunching of the ice behind me. I turned to confront him once and for all, but no one was there. There was a thud against my head, and everything just melted away.  
  
Kristen  
Thursday, January 9th  
"Kevin," I called, trying to catch my boyfriend on the way into school. He turned around.  
"Hey, baby," he greeted me.  
"Hey. Listen I found this great place behind the school the other day. No one really goes there. And we have some time before classes," I added suggestively.  
He grabbed my hand and started walking towards the back of the school, pushing his way through the crowds.  
"So where's this place?" he asked.  
"Keep going," I urged him.  
"Wait."  
"What?"  
He brought he mouth to mine. I continued walking him backwards into an abandoned section of the yard, kissing him just as eagerly. He turned me around and I walked him into to the wall, putting my hand against it for support. Something was cold and sticky on the wall.  
"Kevin," I said softly, pulling away.  
"What?" he asked while kissing my neck. I stepped backwards to catch my balance. I stepped on something hard that seemed to squish under me.  
"Wait. I just got some crap all over my hand." I looked at it. Blood. I turned around to see what I was stepping on.  
"Oh my God!" I screamed, feeling my stomach turn over. I covered my mouth and ran around the corner, losing my stomach contents. He came over to see if I was okay.  
"Do you have your cell with you?" I asked.  
"Yeah."  
"Call 911. That's a dead body over there."  
  
Olivia  
"Morning, Elliot," I greeted my partner as I passed him on my way to my desk.  
"We got a body," he told me.  
I turned around to follow him, taking a sip of my coffee. "Where?"  
"Mother Teresa."  
"Church?"  
"High school."  
  
"What have we got?" I asked the medical examiner, Dr. Warner, pulling on a pair of gloves.  
"Male victim. Head trauma, most likely from a piece of ice, and fourteen stab wounds to the genitals."  
I cringed. I didn't have to turn around to know that Elliot was staring at the body, undoubtedly thinking about his own son, Dickie.  
"How old's he?" Elliot asked.  
"I'd say no more than twenty. No ID on him."  
"Do we know how long he's been out here?" I asked.  
"I'd say no more than seven to nine hours."  
I looked at my watch. It was nine now, so he was killed between 12 and 2 this morning.  
"Anything else?" I asked.  
"He was killed here, but turned onto his back post-mortem."  
"Who discovered the body?" Elliot asked.  
"Kristen Daniels," a uniform spoke up. "She's inside the school."  
"Did the kid go to this school?"  
"I'm not sure," he admitted. "I haven't had a chance to check."  
"Let's get this area cleared off to the public before anyone else sees him and we'll see if we can ID him in the school," I told him.  
"Josh. . . please, no Josh," a shaky female voice came from behind me. She looked down at the face that hadn't yet been covered. She knelt down and didn't move.  
"Josh," she said again. "Please, Josh. . . no." Her voice cracked and trailed off before she started sobbing violently. Elliot gently pulled her back.  
"Looks like you got your ID," Warner whispered to me.  
"I guess so," I muttered, watching the girl who was now leaning against a tree, still sobbing quietly, and Elliot just waiting there, helpless. 


	2. Chapter Two

Elliot  
"I'm sorry," Jamie, the girl from the crime scene, said softly when she, Olivia and I were back at the precinct, trying to find out about the victim. I handed her a paper cup of coffee. "I kind of lost it back at school."  
"Don't worry about it," I assured her. "So was Josh a popular guy?"  
"He's not like Mr. Popular, but he is pretty popular. Everyone seems to know him."  
I couldn't help but notice two things about her. First of all, how well she was keeping her composure, especially after she had lost it at the crime scene. And the second point kind of explained the first- she was still talking about Josh, the victim, and her boyfriend, in the present tense.  
"Did he ever have a problem with one of his girlfriends, maybe?"  
"He had a messy break-up with Stacey Rideout, but that was a long time ago. They were civil to each other."  
"Had it always been like that?"  
"No. When I started dating him, she had a real problem with both of us. She spread some rumours, sent him a couple of threatening e-mail."  
All I could see when I looked at her was Maureen. She was the same height, only a year younger. She had honey-blonde hair and dark blue eyes, just the same as Maureen's. I felt some kind of obligation to her, to find out what had happened to her boyfriend. It seemed like if this could happen to her, it could happen to any of my girls, and that finding the person who did it could keep them from hurting, and the victim being my son. It was crazy, but it was what kept me going.  
"What kind of rumours?" Olivia asked, breaking my thoughts.  
"Stupid things. That I was a slut, that I was pregnant and that I was cheating on Josh, stuff like that. It's just regular high school gossip. Nothing true."  
"What about the e-mails?"  
She hesitated for a minute. "The one that I did see was her saying that she. . . she said she was going to cut off his balls."  
Olivia and I exchanged glances. Was that just a coincidence that she threatened almost the same thing that happened to him? I jotted down Stacey's name.  
"He told me there were other ones, but I can't tell you definitively that they did exist because I never saw them myself."  
Olivia and I looked at each other again. That was not a standard answer from a seventeen year old. Where has she learned to talk like a lawyer? This time she picked up on our glances.  
"I'm on the debating team," she explained. "It's a habit I have of talking like that. It's the only way to keep from screwing myself into a corner at debates."  
Olivia nodded. "So what did he say that the e-mails said."  
"Same sort of stuff. Um. . . that she's get him back for breaking up with her. That I was taking advantage of him and that I was sleeping around. She went as far as including a list. He knew she was lying. He knew that she was just blowing off steam."  
Olivia stumbled with her words a bit. "Did. . . were. . . was any of that true?"  
Jamie took it well. "No," she answered calmly.  
"Does Stacey go to your school?"  
"Yeah." She hesitated before continuing. "How. . . how did Josh die?"  
I didn't know whether to answer tell her or not. After contemplating for a minute, I decided against it. Olivia, on the other hand, didn't.  
"Nothing's confirmed until the autopsy, but it looks like he was stabbed.  
She took a deep breath and looked down, concentrating on her coffee cup.  
"How long had the two of you been dating?" Olivia asked gently.  
"A year tomorrow. We met last year at a party and started dating. We just clicked, you know?"  
"Did he mention anything being wrong?"  
She shook her head. "It's his senior year. He's been so happy lately."  
"Jamie?" Olivia began softly. "Did Josh ever do drugs?"  
"Never," she answered quickly.  
"Have you ever seen anything that would make you think that he's involved with drugs?"  
"Never. Between school, work and parties, I don't know when he'd have the time."  
"We're having a bit of trouble locating his parents. Do you know where we could find them?"  
Guilt flooded over her face. "I didn't even think of them."  
"It's okay, we'll take care of it," I told her. "We just need to know where we can find them."  
"Um. . . his mom works at Lexington Ad Agency. His dad's some wall street hotshot. Usually one or the other's out on business. He mentioned something about having the house to himself for the week. I guess they're both away. I really don't know what else to tell you. He didn't talk about them much."  
"Did he get along with them?"  
"As well as any other teenage boy. Nothing special. I guess they seemed to be gone a lot."  
"Did he have any brothers or sisters?"  
"He has an older brother, James. He works somewhere out in Queens."  
"How did he and Josh get along?"  
"Not very well. James was involved with drugs for awhile, which is one of the big reasons that Josh doesn't do them, and they never really got close. I guess. . . I guess they never will."  
"Is there anyone we can call for you?" Olivia asked.  
She shook her head. "My parents are out of town and I'd prefer they don't know. I just. . . I just can't process all this right now. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. . . what I'm supposed to be feeling. It. . . it doesn't feel like he's gone." Her voice started cracking. She took a deep breath and continued in a hollow. "I just feel really. . . it's like I'm looking in on someone else's life."  
There was a knock on the door and the Captain stuck his head in. "Olivia?" She got up and followed him out of the room. Only the two of us were left.  
"There's no right or wrong way to be feeling right now. It's not like there's a written exam at the end. Just take it one step at a time. You'll feel everything at one point or another."  
"Please find out who did this," she asked softly, lifting her head up to look at me. I saw for the first time that tears were streaming down her face silently. She didn't wipe them away. She barely noticed them. "Josh's such an amazing person who had everything going for him. And now someone just takes it away. Please make sure that he doesn't get away with it."  
"I will," I promised her. "I will."  
  
Fin  
"This is awful," Frank Neivens, the school's principal said, closing his office door. "Are you sure it was Josh?"  
"We've got an ID from his girlfriend and the fingerprints matched. Did Josh have any discipline problems?" Munch asked.  
"The only thing I can think of is a fight he got into three weeks ago. Otherwise, I've never had a problem with him."  
"Do you know who the fight was with?" I asked. "Or what it was about?"  
"It was with Danny Cannon. I'm not sure exactly about what. I got the feeling it was about his girlfriend."  
"What makes you say that?"  
"Danny's been bugging her for awhile. Josh hadn't had any problems before, so his girlfriend's the only thing that makes sense."  
"Can we see his school records?" Munch piped up behind me.  
"We need written permission from him," he began, before realizing that he was talking about someone no longer living. "I guess this is okay."  
"We'd also like to see Danny and his girlfriend's records."  
"I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to do that," he told us without a trace of sincerity in his voice. Munch raised his eyebrows. "But we can grant an exception this one time."  
"We're also going to need to talk to Josh's teachers and friends."  
Frank nodded., pulling out some files. "I'll get you a copy of his schedule as well."  
"Thank you," Munch said, taking the files, with the same amount of sincerity.  
"Do you need to see his locker?"  
"Yes."  
Frank nodded again, printing out something from his computer. "This is his schedule. Classes are kind of mixed up today, but they should be in the rooms that they say on the sheet. If there's anything else, just asked.  
"Thanks," I barely had time to say before he slammed the door in our faces.  
"Hair colour, eye colour, fingerprints, medical history. . . still think Big Brother isn't watching?"  
"Get off your paranoia for a minute and help me solve this case."  
"Where to first, boss?"  
"His locker. Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky."  
"You got wire cutters with you?"  
"No. Why?"  
"Well, Mr. Principal forgot to give us his locker combination."  
"It's at the top of the page, genius. What's his locker number?"  
"467."  
"463, 465. . . Here we go, 467." I stopped abruptly when I saw the mini-monument that was in front of his locker. A picture of the victim was surrounded by candles and flowers. Groups of people were standing nearby. Some were quiet, some were crying. They all looked at us like we were from a different galaxy.  
"17- 42- 52," he told me. I turned the lock and tugged. It clicked and opened. People were slowly leaving the area. I opened the locker.  
"Pretty girl," Munch commented, seeing the pictures inside. They were mostly of him with a blond-haired blue-eyed girl. Some were of her alone, and a few had other people in them, but mostly it was the two of them.  
"Is that the girlfriend?" I asked. Munch opened the folder marked with her name.  
"Jamie Lynn Garner. That's her."  
I pulled a pair of latex gloves out of my pocket. "Do you have an evidence bag?"  
"What'd you find," he asked, handing me a huge one.  
"Nothing. I'm just going to bag everything and go through it back at the station."  
"We don't have a warrant," he reminded me.  
"We've got the principal's permission. Locker technically belongs to the school."  
"But the contents don't."  
"I don't think that the victim's going to protest to much." 


	3. Chapter Three

Olivia  
"Excuse me, we're looking for Michelle Davis," I told the receptionist at the Lexington Ad Agency.  
"She's about to leave for a business trip. Whatever you need is going to have to wait."  
I pulled out my badge. "We need to speak with her now."  
The receptionist picked up a phone. "Michelle, there's two people here who have to talk to you. . . no, they won't wait. . . I tried. . . Okay." She hung up the phone. "Third door on your right."  
"Thank you," I said softly. Elliot and I walked down the hall and I knocked on the door. A middle aged woman opened the door. She had brown hair, average build, and a pleasant smile on her face.  
"Mrs. Davis?" I asked.  
"Yes?" she asked, motioning us to come in. We did, and she closed the door behind us.  
"Are you the mother of Josh Davis?"  
Fear flickered across her face. "Yes."  
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your son is dead," I told her as gently as I could.  
"What?" she asked, staring at me with a blank expression. "This isn't funny."  
"Mrs. Davis, I know that this is extremely difficult-"  
"Who the hell are you?"  
Elliot pulled out his badge. "I'm Det. Elliot Stabler. I'm investigating your son's murder. This is my partner, Det. Benson."  
Her face dropped five shades of white. "Murder? Josh was murdered? When? How?"  
I looked at Elliot. "He was stabbed."  
Michelle sat down slowly, staring at the carpet. "I just talked to him before he went to work last night."  
"What time was that?" I asked, pulling out my notepad.  
"I. . . I don't know. I guess around five. I can't. . . can I see him?"  
"We'll need you to come down to make a positive ID."  
She nodded, still staring at the carpet. "Does Dylan know?"  
"Your husband?"  
"Yeah."  
"We have some detectives going to his work now."  
"He's gone. . . he's away. . . he doesn't know. . . how am I supposed to tell him?"  
"Where is he?" Elliot asked.  
"California on business. . . he's not getting back until next week."  
"Okay, we can take care of the notification, but we need you to come with us."  
She nodded again, now chewing on her thumb nail. "Does Jamie know?"  
"Yeah, she knows."  
Michelle got up slowly. She pulled her jacket off of her coatrack, but didn't put it on, even when we went outside. She didn't say anything, just stared out the window.  
  
Munch  
"Did the mother make a positive ID?" Warner asked as Fin and I were waiting for the results of the autopsy.  
"Yeah," Fin told her. "What do you have?"  
"Your victim bled out from any one of the fourteen wounds. The head trauma was pre-mortem. No signs of sexual abuse."  
"What about a tox screen?"  
"Clean. No alcohol either."  
"Do we know what killed him?"  
"Looks like a huge kitchen knife. Approximately one inch wide, seven inches deep and a quarter inch serrated. Silver flakes were located in the wound. I already sent them to the lab."  
"Trusty old Warner," I commented.  
She shot me a look. "I wouldn't talk about old if I were you, Grandpa."  
Fin snickered behind me. "You go Warner."  
  
Cragen  
"So what are we missing here? Popular high school senior, no enemies, no drug connections, no criminal record." I asked.  
"Gang connections?" Elliot asked.  
"None," Fin said.  
"Was there any sign of sexual abuse?" Olivia asked.  
"Nothing. He was just stabbed after being knocked over the head."  
"Is there really such thing as 'Just stabbed'?" Munch asked. "I mean if you really think about it-"  
"Somebody please stop him," Fin begged. "If he gets any further into that thought, we'll be here all night."  
"The girlfriend did mention a bad break-up he had about a year ago," Elliot said suddenly, pulling out his notepad. "Stacey Rideout. She sent him e-mails threatening to 'cut off his balls'."  
"Munch, Fin, I want you to interview her first thing tomorrow. You've all probably had enough teenagers for one day." They had spent all day talking to his friends and classmates.  
"What about the girlfriend?" Fin asked.  
"She's clean, no record. Says she was working at home on a debate and talking to a Lauren Robbins. We're waiting on her phone records," Elliot told us.  
"But could he have been killed because of his relationship with her? His girlfriend's not bad looking. Teenage hormones might be enough to push someone over the edge."  
"Olivia, Elliot, talk to her tomorrow morning. See if anyone's been bugging her."  
"The principal said something about a fight he had a couple of weeks ago. He thinks it was because of her."  
"There was also a bad break-up Jamie mentioned. Stacey Rideout. She sent him e-mails threatening to cut off his balls," Elliot added.  
"Tack that on when your at the school, Olivia. I also want his room searched and his computer down to computer crimes."  
"Do you really think she's going to be in school tomorrow?"  
"Wait and see."  
  
Elliot  
"Daddy!" Elizabeth cried, running towards me as soon as I stepped in the door. I picked her up. For ten, she was small for her age and acted younger.  
"Hi sweetie," I said, giving her a quick kiss on the top of the head. "Where's everyone else?"  
"Mommy's making dinner, Maureen has Stephanie over, Kathleen's listening to music that says bad words and Dickie's watching TV." She jumped down suddenly and ran up the stairs.  
"What's wrong?" I asked.  
She motioned for me to come closer. I stood beside the staircase as she stuck her head against the railing. "I have to make a birthday card for Maureen," she whispered.  
"Honey, Maureen's birthday isn't for six months."  
"I know," she continued in a whisper. "It's her half birthday."  
"Okay," I whispered back and she sprinted the rest of the way up the stairs. I turned and walked towards the kitchen.  
"Something smells good," I told Kathy as I came in. "Lasagna?"  
"Mmm-hmm," she replied chopping up something at the counter. I snuck up behind her and kissed her.  
"I should warn you, Kathleen's on the war path."  
"Why? What happened?" I asked, popping a carrot in my mouth.  
"She's fourteen. What needs to happen?"  
"True."  
"So how was your day?"  
"Crappy. How 'bout yours?"  
"What happened?"  
"An eighteen year old kid was murdered. I spent most of the day talking to his girlfriend and parents."  
"How long 'till dinner?" Maureen called, coming into the kitched, followed by her best friend, Stephanie.  
"Five minutes. Lay the table," Kathy told her, handing a stack of dishes over.  
"Are you going this week or next to Columbia?" Maureen asked Stephanie.  
"Next."  
"Then you're freakin' out too soon."  
"I'm not freakin' out."  
"Yes, you are. You're the top debator in our school. Why are you so worried?"  
"Because Jamie Garner's going to be there."  
I pretended to read the paper and listened to what she was saying about Jamie.  
"Who's Jamie Garner?" Maureen asked.  
"She's a shoo in for States. She's got a really got chance at nationals."  
"Have you ever actually seen her?"  
"Once, when she made it to finals at NYU last year."  
"So she's good?"  
"She's perfect. Like, too perfect. She's the kind of person who's got everything. The kind who really pissses me off."  
"Huh?"  
"She's gorgeous for one thing. She's an amazing debator. She's got a really hot boyfriend. She's supposed to be really smart."  
"Have you met her?"  
"No, but Eric Roberts-"  
"Grade eleven?"  
"Yeah. He was against her and he said she's really nice."  
"You're not making much sense here."  
"I have no chance against her!"  
"What are the odds that you'll be against her?"  
"I dunno. But still."  
"What's the debate?"  
"What?"  
"What are you debating?"  
"Oh, uh, This house would have-"  
"Don't talk debate-talk to me."  
"Harsher punishments for sex crimes."  
"You should talk to my dad."  
"What about me?" I asked, turning around, pretending I hadn't been listening.  
"Dad!" Maureen screamed from the hall.  
"What?" I asked, getting up to find her.  
"Tell Dickie to get out of my fu-"  
"Don't finish that thought," I warned as I rounded the corner and found her at the bottom of the stairs.  
"Well, it's true!"  
"You don't need to use that language."  
"You always take his side!" she cried, running up the stairs.  
Welcome to the world of teenage daughters. 


	4. Chapter Four

Olivia  
Friday, January 10th  
"His room's at the end of the hall," James Davis told us when we arrived at his house the next morning. We followed him up a staircase and towards his room. He reached for the doorknob and stopped.  
"He hated when I went in his room," he said softly. "I just can't believe that he's really gone."  
"We understand," I told him. "It might be easier on you if your didn't watch. We'll try not to mess things up too much."  
He nodded and slid past us before we opened the door. Josh had a huge room painted dark blue. Some awards were on the wall or on his bookshelf. All were for saxophone. Pictures were plastered on one wall- he was in most of them. There was a framed picture of him and Jamie.  
"They looked so happy," I told Elliot, who was looking through drawers on his bed, waiting for the computer to warm up.  
"They're teenagers."  
"Doesn't mean they weren't in love."  
"I heard one of Maureen's friends talking about Jamie last night."  
"Yeah? Anything that could help us?"  
"Probably not. Just that little comment about her being on the debate team was a bit of an understatement. She's supposed to be one of the best debators in the state. How long did she say they had been dating?"  
I thought back. "A year, why?"  
"No condoms. Does that seem a little strange to you?"  
"They weren't having sex. So what? Not all kids are."  
"Two out of three by the time they graduate."  
"So they weren't."  
"Or maybe, he wanted to, she didn't, he was getting it from somewhere else, she found out and stabbed him in the gonads. Ultimate revenge."  
"Yeah, by if he was cheating on her, he would still have condoms. I don't think she had anything to do with his murder. Computer's ready."  
We went over to him computer and Elliot opened his e-mail icon.  
"We need his password," I reminded him.  
"This system's easy to crack," he told me, typing in some codes that looked like gibberish to me.  
"You do know that this is illegal."  
"I doubt he's going to be protesting too much."  
"I'm talking about you doing this to your kid's accounts."  
"There we go," Elliot said triumphantly, completely ignoring my comment. "There's a bunch from one guy in the past two weeks he's deleted. Andrew Laurence."  
"Can you read them?"  
"No, but I think they can back at the house."  
"So how do you know that he's deleted e-mails from this person?"  
"There's a log the server keeps."  
"What about outgoing mail?"  
He clicked and a new screen popped up. "Nothing in the outbox."  
"What about the ex?"  
"Rideout?"  
"Yeah." He scrolled down the page. "Here we go. It's from eleven months ago. I'm going to cut off your balls. That whore doesn't deserve you. We belong together. And if I don't have you, no one does."  
"That's one scorned lover." Elliot reached over, turned off the computer and unplugged it.  
"Is there anything else we need here?" I asked.  
"Not right now."  
"Okay, let's hit the school and see what Stacey has to say.  
  
Elliot  
"What can I do for you?" Frank Neivens asked.  
"We need to speak with Stacey Rideout," I told him. He looked us both over before reluctantly going to his secretary and telling her to get Stacey down to the office.  
"Munch wasn't kidding about this guy," Olivia muttered to me.  
"Yeah," a girl's voice came from behind me. "Someone called me down here," she said to the secretary.  
"Stacey Rideout?" Olivia asked.  
"Who's asking?"  
"I'm detective Benson. Could I talk to you for a minute?"  
She looked Olivia and I over. "I don't know anything."  
"Just a minute of your time."  
She shrugged. We guided her into a room that Frank Neivens had previously told us we could use.  
"What's this about?" She was eighteen, and seemed to look down on us.  
"You know Josh Davis?" I asked.  
She lowered her eyes. "I did."  
"We hear that you had some problems."  
"We were friends."  
Olivia pulled a copy of her e-mail out. "This is how you treat your friends?"  
She stared at it for a minute. "That was a long time ago," her tone softening.  
"You really hated him."  
"No. I was mad at him."  
"He dumped you, didn't he?" I asked.  
"We worked it out."  
"By telling him you're going to cut off his balls? It killed you that he found someone else better, didn't it?"  
"That bitch wasn't any better than me!"  
"She was loyal to him. He loved her."  
"I loved him!"  
"You had a strange way of showing it."  
"I was mad at him. I didn't mean to cheat on him."  
"What, you just fell into another guy's mouth?"  
"It wasn't like that!"  
"Where were you two nights ago?"  
"You think I did this!?" Neither of us answered. "I didn't hate him."  
"Where were you?"  
"I waitress at Fridays. I was there from seven to two. You can ask my boss."  
"Count on it."  
  
Olivia  
Stacey's alibi checked out. We were waiting to talk to Danny Cannon, the guy Josh had fought with the week before.  
"Who the hell are you?" a teenage boy asked, coming into the room. He had a big build, pissed-off face and annoyed tone.  
"Detective Benson, this is my partner detective Stabler. We wanted to ask you a few questions."  
"I didn't do it."  
"Do what?" Elliot asked.  
"Whatever you think I did."  
"We don't think you did anything. We just need to ask you a few questions about Josh Davis."  
"I told you I didn't do it."  
"What was the fight you had two weeks ago about?"  
"Nothing."  
"It seems like a pretty big nothing when it took three teachers to break up the fight," I told him. "So what was it about?"  
"His bitch. She's hot. He had a problem with that."  
"What did you say to him?" Elliot asked.  
"No way."  
"No way what?"  
"No way I'm telling you."  
"Why not?" I asked.  
"Because you'll bust me for it," he screamed with his eyes on my chest. I buttoned up my sweater I had on top.  
"If you tell us now, we won't bust you. But, if you don't, we'll have to ask around. And then we'll be forced to charge you with assault," Elliot told him.  
"You can't charge me. There's no one to press charges."  
"Try me."  
He looked away. "All I said was that I should slap her around a bit and show her a real man."  
Elliot and I exchanged glances, disgusted.  
"Where were you two nights ago?" I asked.  
"I can't tell you that."  
"Why?"  
"Because I can't give you the name of the girl I was with."  
"Yeah? And why's that?"  
He squirmed. "Because she's a pro. I don't know her name."  
"Where was she?"  
"I'm not sure. She was near Phantoms."  
"The strip joint?" I asked.  
"Yeah."  
"Did you make any calls?"  
"Yeah. I did. I called my girl from my cell to check up on her."  
"You're cheating on her and calling to check up on her?" Elliot sounded like he had enough.  
"Well be in touch," I told him, and he bolted out of the room.  
"Not a killer, just a pervert," he muttered as soon as Danny had left.  
"Since when does one exclude the other? Look, we can check his phone records. They might be able to tell us where he was."  
"And if he was where he says he was?"  
"Even at it's best, that's a two hour drive. There's construction there, so there's no way that he could have made the call and killed Josh."  
"How do you know so much about this strip club?"  
"My night job."  
He eyebrows shot up.  
"You know that you're not funny."  
"Yeah, but your reaction was. When you were in court last week, I had to go there to interview a witness."  
"Or so you say."  
  
Jamie  
Sunday, January 12th  
Josh was gone.  
Just the thought of it made me shiver. I pulled the blanket I had wrapped around me even tighter. Three days had passed, and I still couldn't comprehend that he was really gone. I hadn't eaten. The only way I could sleep was with a strong sedative a doctor had given me. I just lied in my bed, waiting to crawl to the edge of darkness, and fall into the welcoming arms of a dark, dreamless sleep.  
On Friday, Josh's mom came over. She was a mess. We didn't say much.  
"I want you to know how much you went to my son," she told me.  
I looked at him hands. "He meant as much to me."  
"I know," she said softly. "I know." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small box. "He was going to give you this tonight. I think you should have it."  
I slowly picked it up, feeling the soft, black velvet. I took a deep breath and opened it. Inside was a silver ring with a diamond in the centre.  
For a second I couldn't breathe. "Is this. . ?"  
"It's a promise ring," she explained. "It means that when the time was right, he was going to get you the real thing."  
I just broke down crying after that. When I finally calmed down and lifted my head, she was gone.  
The phone started ringing. A lot of people had called me. I hadn't picked up the phone once when it rang. I just let the machine take the message and listened.  
"Jamie, it's Lauren. Please pick up. . . Okay. I'm so sorry. I still can't believe it. Um, I know this isn't really important right now, but I've withdrawn us from the Columbia debate. Please, call me. I know how much Josh meant to you. . . how much he still means to you. Anytime."  
Lauren. We had started debating together when I started, and she'd become one of my best friends. And she was right. I couldn't care less about the debate.  
I rolled over, pulled out a couple of pills stuck them in my mouth, and swallowed with a swig of water. I switched the ringer off my phone and curled into a ball, waiting for the soft blanket of sleep take me over, wishing that I could be back in his arms, just one more time, and wishing that this horrible, awful guilt would subside. 


	5. Chapter Five

Fin  
Monday, January 13th  
"Okay, we got the LUDs. Jamie didn't make any calls on the night of the murder except one at 9:57 to Josh which lasted fifteen minutes," I told Olivia, Munch, Elliot and Cragen.  
"So she could be the doer after all," Elliot said.  
"Something strange was that I found was that a month ago, Jamie and Josh began receiving phone calls from a Andrew Laurence. The calls only lasted about fifteen seconds. Now, after a week and twelve calls, Jamie had him blocked."  
"Benson, Stabler, find Jamie and ask her about him. Also, where she was the night of the murder."  
"What about us?" I asked.  
"You two get to talk to computer crimes."  
  
"What have you found for us? A written, signed confession?" Munch asked.  
"There's nothing. The e-mail server completely wiped out everything," Morales, one of the CSU tecs told us.   
"So we have nothing?" I asked.  
"Well, he's been communicating with a Jamie Garner on a regular basis. Like twice a day."  
"His girlfriend," I explained.  
"Then, there were several e-mails to a Andrew Laurence. All of them were deleted. And he defragged his hard drive just after the last one."  
"So you're telling me we've got nothing?"  
"Sorry."  
  
Elliot  
"Come in," Jamie told us when we got to her house. She looked a lot paler than the last time I saw her. She was dressed in sweat pants and a tank top with her hair in a messy bun, making her look small in the large doorway, but her face was drawn, tired, her eyes red, making her much older than seventeen. I couldn't help but wonder when the last time she ate or slept was.  
"How are you feeling?" Olivia asked.  
She shrugged. "Okay," she said softly. The three of us sat down.  
"Jamie, where were you the night Josh was murdered?"  
She looked down, pulling her legs into her chest. "I told you, I was here."  
"Can anyone verify that?" I asked.  
"Lauren Robbins. I was talking to her for almost an hour."  
"There's no record of any calls being made."  
"No. . . no, I was talking to her on-line. You can ask her."  
"Has anyone been bothering you lately?"  
It took a minute for her to absorb Olivia's question. "You think someone killed Josh because of me?"  
Neither of us answered.  
"A couple of guys hassle me at work. That's about it."  
"What do you mean 'hassle?'" I asked.  
"They ask me out, use some lines, they got physical a couple of time, but the store manager threw them out."  
"Does the name Andrew Laurence mean anything to you?"  
Her face turned three shades paler at my words. She opened her mouth to say something but the phone rang.  
"Excuse me," she said softly, getting up two answer it. She took a couple of steps, then collapsed.  
"Jamie," I called loudly. "Jamie, can you hear me?" There was no response from her. Olivia pulled out her cell phone.  
"This is detective Olivia Benson. I need a bus at 2743 Priam Way. Unconscious seventeen year old victim."  
  
Olivia  
"You can go in and see her in a minute," the doctor treating Jamie told us, coming out of her room.  
"What's wrong with her?" I asked.  
"She's dehydrated, for one thing, but I don't think that's why she lost consciousness."  
"Why then?"  
The doctor hesitated. "She's pregnant."  
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Are you sure?"  
"Two months."  
"Thanks," Elliot mused as she left. "She's pregnant?"  
"Is it Josh's baby?"  
"Let's find out." She was in a single room with no window. She still looked pale, but not so bad as before. She had an IV in her arm and turned to face us when she we knocked.  
"I'm sorry," she said softly when we came in, trying to lift herself up.  
"Don't worry about," Elliot told her, the two of us taking a seat beside her. "When was the last time you ate?"  
She shrugged. "You have to take better care of yourself, especially for your baby."  
"Jamie?" I asked softly. "Whose baby is it?"  
She looked away. "It doesn't matter," she whispered.  
"Why not?" Elliot spoke up behind me.  
She just lied there shaking her head, neither of us able to see her face. I didn't know what to do.  
"Why doesn't it matter?" I finally asked, breaking the silence.  
She turned her head back around. Her face was streaked with tears. "Would it make any difference if I was sleeping with him?" She sounded like she was almost begging, her voice low. "Would that make any difference?"  
"So whose is it?"  
She still didn't answer. Her face looked strained.  
"Whose baby is it?" I repeated.  
"It's Josh's, okay? But it doesn't matter anymore. It won't matter after tomorrow."  
"And why's that?" Elliot asked.  
"Because after tomorrow, it'll be done forever."  
  
Munch  
"Why did it take her so long to admit that the baby was his," I heard Elliot saying as I came around the corner in the precinct.  
"Elliot, I thought you were going to kick that soap opera habit," I told him. He shot me a look. "So what's this really about?"  
"Jamie," Olivia told me. "She's pregnant. She says it's Josh's."  
"And?"  
"And neither of us believe her."  
"Hold on a second," I told them, pulling a file off Fin's desk. Something didn't sound right in Olivia's second statement. I opened Josh's medical records from his school record.  
"You're both right." I handed the file to them. Elliot took a once over of the file and raised his eyebrows, then handed it to Olivia.  
"It can't be his," Elliot said.  
"Not unless she's a member of Clonaid," I muttered. 


	6. Chapter Six

Alex  
Tuesday January 14th  
"You want a subpoena based on what?" I asked.  
"The baby wasn't Josh's. I think that he may have been killed by the person that she was cheating to him with." Olivia explained.  
"Do you have any proof?"  
"His medical records state that because of the measles when he was six, he's completely infertile. She claims that it's his baby."  
"You have no case."  
"Come on Alex, there must be something you can do."  
"There might be one judge."  
  
"You owe me," I said, handing the subpoena to Olivia. "It took twenty minutes to convince the judge to sign it."  
"Okay, we have half an hour to get to her appointment," she said to Elliot. "Thanks Alex."  
"Get the matters of conception over to the lab as soon as it's done," Cragen told them. "And make sure Jamie has a ride home. We still want her to cooperate as much possible. Then get over to the school and talk to some of her teachers. See if they've seen her with anyone else."  
"And if they have?"  
"Talk to him at school, if he looks good or admits that he was involved with her, bring him in."  
"Don't you think this seems a bit much?" I asked. "They're kids."  
"Would it be the first time a 'kid' committed a crime?" Cragen responded.  
"Trust me, I have four of them. They're not kids for long anymore."  
"Report back to me later," Cragen told them as they were putting their jackets on.  
  
Elliot  
"You're quiet," Olivia observed as we pulled into the parking lot. "Everything okay?"  
"Just the case."  
"Thinking about Maureen?"  
"And Kathleen. And Elizabeth. Any of them could be Jamie. And her parents are completely clueless. Is that going to be me?"  
"Jamie's parents don't know because they don't seem to care. You do."  
I nodded. "Is that Jamie?"  
Olivia looked out. "Yeah, that's her." We waited a minute, then opened the door and got out. We waited outside for another minute, until we saw her go in with a nurse.  
"This is a subpoena for the matters of conception for Jamie Garner," she told the receptionist.  
"I'll bring it to you as soon as it's done."  
"Thanks." Less than half an hour later, we were back in the car, on our way to the lab.  
"It makes me sick how fast that can be done," I said.  
"What can be done?"  
"An abortion. They can just take a life away in a heartbeat."  
"Do you really believe that it's a life?"  
"We all started that way."  
"I don't want to get into this Elliot. There's nothing we can do to change it. It's not illegal, so it's not our problem."  
"I guess," I muttered as she was getting out of the car to drop off the DNA. She was back within five minutes.  
"Where to next?" she asked.  
"Back to school."  
  
"The minister of the crown tried to make you think that there is no psychological side effects of rape. They are, unfortunately, sadly mistaken. Although murder-" were the first words we heard when we went to find one of Josh's teachers.  
"Anthony Shepard?" I asked, coming into the classroom. He looked up. He looked no more than twelve.  
"James, take over as speaker, I'll be back in a minute." He came out into the hall and closed the door softly behind him.  
"Detective Benson, Stabler. Special victims unit," Olivia introduced.  
"Special victims unit. Is this about Jamie?"  
Olivia and I exchanged glances. "No, it's about Josh Davis."  
He looked confused. "Right," he said, something clicking.  
"How well did you know him?" Olivia asked.  
"Not too well. He was only in one of my classes."  
"And you know his girlfriend?"  
"Yeah. She's on my debating team, and I teach her three classes."  
"Did you know of any problems he may have been having lately?"  
"Not really. He's been a bit distracted lately. Nothing really noticeable."  
"And Jamie?" I asked.  
"She's been acting strange. For a month, she'd seem like she was working really hard, and then when she handed her work in, there'd be nothing on her sheet. And she lost her edge in debate for a couple of weeks. She seemed to be back lately."  
"Has she ever mentioned any problems with him?"   
"This isn't love shack. I'm not the best person to ask."  
"Thanks for your time."  
  
Olivia  
Wednesday, January 15th  
"I don't like that look on your face," I said to Elliot as I came in.  
"DNA's in."  
"And?"  
"Not his. No one in the system."  
I sat down. "So we got talk to her."  
"You think that's going to work?"  
"What other options do we have?"  
  
"Can I get you something to drink?" I asked her. She still looked pale.  
"I'm fine."  
"How are you feeling?"  
"I'm sorry if I sound rude, but why are you being so nice to me? I know I'm not here for small talk."  
Something was still stopping me from going at her like we would with any other suspect. I still couldn't believe that she was involved, but nothing else made sense.  
"Why did you lie to us?" I asked.  
"About what?"  
"About whose baby it was."  
"It's. . . it was Josh's."  
Elliot took the DNA test out of an envelop he had and pushed it towards her.  
"What's this?"  
"It's a DNA test confirming that Josh Davis was not the father of the fetus."  
"So who was it Jamie?" he continued. "Your other boyfriend got mad at him, so he decided to kill Josh? Or did you ask him to? A dead boyfriend could really play in your favour. You get to be the victim."  
"No," she said softly, her eyes welling up.  
"Then what is it? Did you kill him yourself?"  
"No."  
"And what about Andrew Laurence? You blocked his number when the two of you got into a fight, and he decided to get back at you by killing your other boyfriend."  
"No."  
"Then how did it happen?" I knew that he was only coming on so strong, hoping she would crack. He didn't think she did it either. I had no idea why he was throwing around Andrew Laurence's name around. In a case like this, where the victim could have so easily been his son in a few years, he lost all patience.  
"It's not what you think," she said. "I didn't kill Josh. I loved him. I really loved him."  
"So what did happen? Were you cheating on him?"  
She shook her head. "Two months ago, I went for a debate in Syracuse. The day before I left, Josh and I got into a fight. It was something stupid. I don't even remember what. We weren't leaving until the day after the tournament ended, so Saturday night, we were staying at the dorms and there was a party. I started talking to Andrew."  
"Andrew Laurence?" I asked.  
"Yeah. He was a second-year law student. He had also been one of my judges. We got into talking about the Columbia debate, and this case that I had been looking for everywhere. I had had a couple of drinks, and I didn't think too much of it when he asked if I had a computer in the room I was staying in. He was going to show me a website where I could access most case files."  
"What happened when you got to the room?" I asked, afraid of where this was going.  
"He closed the door, saying that it was too noisy in the hall. Then, before I had a chance to turn on the computer, he kissed me. I told him to stop. That I had a boyfriend. But he didn't. He threw me down on the bed and pulled down his pants. I said no. He ignored me, and he. . . he took off my jeans. Then he. . ." she trailed off and remained quiet for a minute, tears streaming down her face. I felt a knot growing in my stomach.  
"When he was finished, he took off really fast. He just pulled up his pants and left. In the middle of it, Lauren, one of the girls I debate with, knocked on the door. I guess she heard me saying no or something, because she called Mr. Shepard was there ten minutes later."  
"What did he say?" I asked.  
"He asked if I was okay. I don't remember saying anything. I don't think I did."  
"You didn't press charges?"  
"I didn't want to."  
"Did you see a doctor?"  
"Not until Monday. One of the doctors said that I had untreated Chlamydia. I knew I didn't get it from Josh."  
"And he started calling you?" Elliot asked.  
She nodded. "A month ago. At first I could just hear breathing. Then he started talking. I had him blocked a week after he started calling."  
"Have you seen or heard from him again?"  
"No."  
I just nodded.  
  
Jamie  
Saturday, November 9th  
"Thank you Mr. Speaker. The government has just done a great job of telling you why we should pass this bill, and that's fine, but they have failed to mention what exactly is wrong with the status quo. Why would we go around changing laws if, as of late, there's nothing wrong with it. . ."  
  
"You were great today," a male voice said from behind me. I turned around to find one of my judges, Andrew Laurence from earlier standing behind me.   
"Thanks."  
"How long have you been debating?"  
"Since grade ten, so, uh, almost two years."  
"You're really good. Have you thought about states?"  
"A bit. It's far away. I have to get through regionals first."  
"You'll do fine. Have you heard the resolution for Columbia yet?"  
"Yeah. It's hard. Euthanasia."  
"Have you read the Williams case file?"  
"No. I've been trying to get a copy. It's supposed to make the affirmative's case."  
"I've found this great website where you can get most case files."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah. Do you have a computer in your dorm?"  
"Yeah."  
"Do you want me to show you?"  
I hesitated for a minute. I may have had two beers, but I wasn't sure about going alone with him. "Sure." I led him towards my room and unlocked it, slipping the key back in my pocket. I left the door open, but he closed it. I went to sit down at the computer, but he got to me first. He brought his mouth to mine and kissed me possessively.  
"Stop," I told him, pushing him away, reaching for the doorknob. "Look, I have a boyfriend." He grabbed my wrists and threw me down onto the bed.  
"Stop," I said again, my voice coming out more as a beg. "Don't."  
He pulled his pants down, then ran his hand up my leg until he reached the waistline of my jeans and unsnapped them.  
"No," I said softly. "Please, Andrew, stop."  
"It's all good, baby," he grunted.  
  
"Jamie?" a male voice asked. I recognized it right away. I didn't move to open the door. Two hours had passed. I didn't cry. I had just stayed there for twenty minutes, then managed to get up and spent an hour in the shower, the water as hot as I could get it, trying to burn the feeling of him off of me. Then I went into my Lauren's room (She wasn't there), feeling no better, checked every possible nook and cranny in the room, and sat down on her bed and just stared into space. Mr. Shepard hadn't bothered me until now.  
I saw the handle on the door turning. I should have rethought going into Lauren's room. He'd still be able to get in. I turned away as he pushed open the door. He just stood there for a minute, before pulling a chair from the desk over and sitting close- careful not to sit too close- to me.  
"What do you want?" I finally asked.  
"Who did this to you?" He voice, although familiar, seemed distant, strange. I felt a drop of water from my hair slowly slide down my back, icy cold. I ignored it.  
"I'm going to take you to the police, okay?" I still didn't look at him. I stared at a spot on the wall beside me where the paint had dripped when it had been painted. The trail got smaller and smaller, but never disappeared. Was that how my life would be? He would always be there.  
"At least let me take you to get checked out." I still didn't say anything. He still sat there, not saying a word, not making a sound. I could barely hear him breathe.  
"You can't just let this happen."  
I stopped breathing for a minute when he said that. "Let it happen?" I asked, my voice monotone. "I didn't let this happen."  
"That's not what I meant, Jamie."  
"You know what, Mr. Shepard? I can understand you coming here. But just shove it." I wasn't monotone anymore. I was angry. At no one, but everyone at the same time. All I needed was someone to blame. He seemed like an easy target. "You haven't bothered to help me out, or take any interest in me. Until I started winning debates, you didn't know my name. You don't care. That bothered me for a long time, but honestly, I couldn't care less now. But you ignore me for all this time and now expect me to listen to you? You're whacked."  
  
Wednesday, November 13th  
"Are you mad at me?" Josh asked me. I turned around, closing my locker.  
"No," I said simply, pulling my bag over my shoulder.  
"Then what's wrong?"  
"Nothing's wrong."  
"Then why are you shutting me out?"  
"I'm not shutting you out! God!"  
"Jamie, I know you. I know you better than anyone. And I know you get this way when something really big is going on."  
I turned around slowly to look at him. "Josh," I whispered. "What's going on right now, you don't want to know."  
He looked stung by that comment. "Why's that?"  
"It's too much, and too hard. I don't want to know about this. I don't want to be involved in this. Please, believe me when I tell you that you don't want to know." I started breaking down at that point. "Please, just let it go," I begged. I wasn't upset about what had happened to me. I hadn't cried about it. I was upset because I was scared to death that I would loose the best thing I ever had. We were in an almost abandoned hallway, no one stopping us.  
"Can you take me home?" I asked. He nodded and we walked slowly out to his car.  
"I was raped," I said to Josh. We were back at my house. The words came out naturally, as if I were reciting french verbs. I was stunned by them myself. Josh turned slowly.  
"What?" he asked. I couldn't read his tone. "When?"  
"Saturday," I whispered.  
Very slowly, he put his arm around me, pulling me into him, holding me gently in his arms.  
"Oh God," I whispered. "This is really happening." 


	7. Chapter Seven

Olivia  
Wednesday, January 15th  
"Lauren Robbins?" I asked the girl hunched over some books in the school library.  
"Yeah?" she asked, looking up. I sat down across from her. Elliot was off interviewing another alibi of Jamie's.  
"I'm detective Benson," I said softly, although even at full voice not too many people would have heard me. It was really loud for a library.  
"Is this about Josh?"  
"Partly. The night he was killed, did you have any contact with Jamie Garner?"  
"Yeah. We were talking on the internet for two hours. She didn't want to tie up the phone line. She was hoping Josh would call."  
"Was there any reason she was so anxious for him to call?"  
She raised her shoulders slightly and dropped them. "Not that I know of. She was just really in love."  
"What time were you talking to her?"  
"Um. . . I guess from about quarter to twelve until about two thirty. I have the conversation saved, so I can check if you want."  
I nodded. "You went to Syracuse with Jamie, right?"  
"Yeah."  
"And you were the one who called Mr. Shepard the Saturday night?"  
She dropped her eyes. "This . . . this isn't something I should be talking to you about. You have to ask Jamie about what happened."  
"I've talked to her. I'm just trying to piece together what happened that night."  
"I can't tell you a whole lot. Um, I came to her room around nine-thirty, and I heard her saying stop, please don't do this, get off, things like that. There was also a guy who kept saying 'it's all good'. I called Mr. Shepard right away. I didn't think he could move that fast."  
"He was there right away?"  
"I stayed in that hotel last time I was in Syracuse. The driving alone is fifteen minutes."  
"How long did it take him to get there?"  
"Ten minutes tops."  
"What kind of relationship do they have?"  
"Lately, it's been pretty good, but before that, it was almost like he was trying to ignore her. I mean, he wasn't. She didn't need help, especially compared to the others. She could make it to nationals easily."  
"Why has it changed lately?"  
"The night that everything happened, she tore into him. He wanted to take her to the police, or at least to the hospital. She told him to screw off. I think she just needed someone to be angry at."  
"Thanks Lauren."  
"No problem. I hope you find out who did this. Josh was a really great guy." I got up, left the library and met Elliot.  
"Did she confirm Jamie's story?" he asked.  
"Yeah. Yours?"  
"She says that Jamie was talking to her on-line on and off between eleven and twelve."  
"Who's next?"  
  
"Now one may ask oneself why exactly is doctor assisted suicide illegal? Well, there is a really simple answer. Those morons up in the white house decided that-"  
Once again, we entered Anthony Shepard's classroom in the middle of a debate. He saw the two of us in the doorway.  
"Allison, we have five minutes left in the LO speech," he told a girl sitting nearby him and ducked out. "What can I help you with?"  
"Is there somewhere we can speak privately?" I asked, noticing the students scattered around the hallway.  
"There's a resource room down there." He led us into a small room with a large table in the middle. Elliot and I sat down.  
"The first time we came, you asked us if we were here about Jamie," Elliot stated.  
He closed the door and sat down as well. "I just- I know Jamie better. I figured it was about Josh's murder."  
"Are you sure that it wasn't because you thought Jamie might have come forward and pressed charges?" I asked.  
"She talked to you?"  
I nodded. "What can you tell us about what happened that night?"  
"We had finished the tournament around eight. It was too late to leave, so we were going to stay another night. They went off to their dorms, and I went to my hotel."  
"Hold on," Elliot said. "You weren't staying with them?"  
"All the debaters had their parents sign consent forms. I would have had to stay in a different dorm anyways. It would have happened the same if I was there."  
"There were fourteen year olds on that trip."  
"Yes, and they stayed in a hotel if their parents wanted to. It's just a lot more cost-effective if we stay in the dorms. The kids usually have a lot of fun. And no one has billoted since this happened." He turned to face me. "Around ten, I got a call from Lauren. She said that she had gone to the room Jamie was staying in, and had heard a girl- probably Jamie- crying and begging someone to stop. She said she also heard a guy grunting. I got there as fast as I could. Lauren can corroborate."  
"She already has," I told him.  
"When I got there, she said that a guy had left almost as soon as she called. Jamie hadn't left the room. A couple of minutes later, Jamie came out of the room she was staying in. I barely saw her. She went straight into the girl's washroom. Lauren went after her, and I waited. Lauren came back out, crying. I talked to her for a while, then I had somewhere I had to go."  
"You had an upset girl, another one who'd just been raped, and you had something more important to do?" Elliot asked, disgusted.  
He hesitated for a minute. "Lauren told me the guy's name. I went to find him."  
"Did you?" I asked.  
"Yeah."  
"And?"  
He hesitated again. "I gave him a piece of my mind. I told him that he wasn't going to get away with what he did, called him a bunch of names I'm not going to repeat and warned him never to go near Jamie or any girl on my debate team. And if I ever saw him so much as look at a girl the wrong way I wouldn't kill him, but make him wish he was dead. Then I went back to the dorm the girls were staying in. Lauren said Jamie had gone into her room, and there had been no noises since. I knocked on the door a couple of minutes later. She didn't answer. I was worried that she could be hurting herself, so I got Lauren's key and went in. She was sitting on the bed. I tried talking to her, but it didn't work. She got mad at me. I wanted to get her checked out. She finally just told me to get out. She stayed there the rest of the night. I stayed in the lounge with Lauren the rest of the night. Lauren was pretty freaked out. I can't say I blame her."  
"Why didn't you call her parents?" Elliot asked.  
"She said she'd kill herself if I did. She doesn't have the greatest relationship with either of them. They're divorced, and both workaholics, from what I hear. I didn't tell them on the condition that she talked to a counsellor."  
"Has she?"  
"As far as I know. She hasn't been in school since Josh was killed."  
"Were Jamie and Josh having any problems?" I know I was repeating myself, but maybe this time he could tell us something he didn't before for the sake of keeping Jamie's privacy.  
"He came and talked to me. It was pretty soon after it happened. I guess she told him."  
"Why'd he come to you?" Elliot asked.  
"I teach most of the time, but I also work one period a day in the guidance office. Jamie told him that I knew. He didn't know how to react about what she had told him."  
"Okay," I said, pushing my chair back. "We'll be in touch. If there's anything you can think of, please, give me a call." I pulled out a card from my pocket and handed it to him.  
"I will. Thanks."  
  
"Did you confirm her story?" Cragen asked.  
"Lauren Robbins confirmed that they were talking on-line because she didn't want to tie up her phone line. She also confirmed Jamie's story about the events of the night she was raped," I told him, Munch and Fin.  
"Teacher says the same thing," Elliot added.  
"Sounds like you don't believe him," Fin observed.  
Elliot shrugged. "I don't like the guy."  
  
Anthony Shepard  
Saturday, November 9th  
"Mr. Shepard?" a panicked female voice came from the other end on the line.  
"Lauren?" I asked.  
"I just went to Jamie's room. I think there's something wrong." Lauren was level-headed. She didn't get upset easily.  
"Lauren, calm down. What's going on?"  
"I just went to Jamie's room. I heard someone crying. I think it was her. Whoever it was kept saying stop and get off and stuff like that. There was a guy who was grunting."  
I was caught completely off guard by what she said. I was ready for medical emergencies, drinking, even drug use. I wasn't expecting this.  
"Alright Lauren, are you okay?"  
"Yeah. I don't know what to do."  
"Have you knocked on her door?" I held the phone with my shoulder, pulling a sweatshirt on.  
"There's no answer."  
"Did you try to open the door?"  
"It's locked." I tried reaching for my shoes without pulling the telephone cord out of the wall.  
"I'll be there as soon as I can. Are you in Wellington house?"  
"Yeah."  
"Stay near Jamie's room. You're on the third floor?"  
"Yeah."  
"Okay, I'll be right there." I threw the receiver down and left.  
  
"Is he still in there?" I asked Lauren as soon as I got there, not caring that I had just broken about twelve laws while driving.  
Lauren, who was sitting down, looked up. I had never seen her so upset. She was chewing her thumb nail. "No. He left almost as soon as I called you."  
"Has she come out?"  
"No."  
I sat down beside her. I had no idea how to react to this situation.  
"Do you know who it was?"  
"He was one of my judges today. Andrew Laurence."  
"Do you know what house he's in?"  
"I. . . I was talking to him earlier. . . before this happened. He. . . he said he was from Stein house."  
I could hear a door opening. Lauren and I got up from the lounge we were in to see if it was her. It was, but disappeared into the girl's washroom.  
"I'll go check on her." I nodded and just waited in the hall for a good fifteen minutes before she came back out.  
"She went straight into the shower. I tried talking. I don't know if she heard me. She didn't answer." She looked like she was about to cry. "I didn't know what else to do."  
"It's alright. It's okay. You did the best you could." I finally calmed her down. "Look, I have to do something. I'll be back soon. Will you be okay?"  
"Yeah," she said softly. I nodded and left.  
  
  
"Can you tell me where I can find Andrew Laurence?" I asked a guy who was just leaving the dorm.  
"He's the one over there."  
"Thanks." I saw him against the wall, talking to another girl.  
"Andrew Laurence?" I asked as calmly as I could. The girl he was talking to ducked out and left as soon as he turned his head.  
"Yeah?"  
I looked around. The hall was deserted. I punched him square in the jaw, and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt before he could run off.  
"What's your problem, man?" I pinned him against the wall with my arm across his throat.  
"You think it's fun to take advantage of little girls?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
"Listen to me you little bastard, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but you are going to pay for what you did."  
"What did I do?" he asked, feigning innocence. I punched him at the side of his head that time.  
"If you ever go near Jamie again, I'll kill you, you sick son of a bitch."  
"Oh," he said, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "This is about Jamie." A sick grin spread across his face.  
I loosened my grip against his neck, then threw him back against the wall harder, slamming his head. "Never, ever go near Jamie or any other girl on my team again. Do you understand me?" He didn't answer. I punched him twice in the mouth, once in the eye. I was seeing red. I was ready to kill him.  
"Do you understand me?" I asked again, tightening my grip around his neck.  
"Okay, okay, I understand you," he gasped. I loosened my grip again. Blood was pooling at the side of his mouth.  
"And if I ever see you so much as look at another girl in a way that I find unsuitable, I'm going to make hell seem like a nice place to vacation."  
"Okay," he agreed quickly.  
"You are nothing but a small boy who tries to feel powerful by taking advantage of younger girls. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you're anything else." I let go of him, and for the first time, noticed that my knuckles were bleeding.  
"Man, you need to lighten up a bit. Maybe try some yoga," he told me, just before trying to run away. I punched him in the stomach. He doubled over, and I took off. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Fin  
Thursday, January 16th  
"Who exactly is this Andrew guy?" Cragen asked.  
"Andrew Laurence," Elliot said, opening a file. "Age 21. Grew up here in Manhattan, went to Columbia for a year, now at Syracuse. He has one juvie arrest that we can't get a hold of, one misdemeanour for assault, one dropped complaint of sexual assault."  
"Dropped? Why?" he asked.  
"Doesn't say."  
"Well, it sounds like it wouldn't have been a big leap to rapist."  
"Alright, thanks," Munch said to whoever he was talking to on the phone. "He's back at Columbia."  
"What?" I asked.  
"I called to see if they'd give up his record, and they informed me that he transferred back to Columbia."  
"When?" Olivia asked.  
"Two weeks ago."  
  
"Andrew Laurence?" I yelled, pounding on his apartment door.  
"Who are you?" the red eyed teenage guy who answered the door asked.  
"NYPD," Munch said. "Can you come with us?"  
"What's this about?"  
"Jamie Garner," I told him.  
"Bitch," he muttered. "Am I under arrest?"  
"Not if you come with us willingly."  
"Badges?"  
I pulled mine out, Munch following suit.  
"Arrest me or leave."  
"Fine," I said, pulling out my hand cuffs. "Andrew Laurence, you're under arrest for the rape of Jamie Garner."  
  
  
Olivia  
"I want my lawyer," Andrew told us.  
"He's on his way. What happened on the night of November 9th?" I asked.  
He squirmed. "I was at a party."  
"Where?"  
"Wellington house."  
"Did you meet anyone there?"  
"There was a girl."  
"Jamie Garner?" Elliot asked.  
"I think that was her name."  
"What happened with Jamie?" I asked.  
"I slept with her."  
"She says something else."  
"Then she's lying."  
"She says you raped her."  
"She lying."  
"You're lying, you little bastard. You raped her. And now you're lying about it."  
"You're the same as her teacher," he muttered.  
"Which teacher?" Elliot asked.  
"I don't know."  
"Describe the teacher," I told him.  
"I don't know. He was tall, mid thirties, blonde, he was the debate guy."  
Elliot and I exchanged glances. It sounded like Anthony.  
"What do you mean the same as him?"  
"He got his knickers in a twist when he found out that I slept with her. It's not that big a deal. It's just sex!"  
"It's not just sex if she says no!" Elliot was about to snap.  
"What did he say to you?" I asked.  
"It wasn't about what he said. The bastard knocked me around because I slept with her. He needs to get his head examined. He probably just has a thing for her." He looked up at Elliot. "You probably do to." Elliot picked him out of his chair and threw him against the wall.  
"Roger Kressler for Mr. Laurence. Give me a minute with my client," a male voice came a minute later. All I could do was hope he hadn't seen anything. We exchanged glances, and then left. Cragen had been watching from the window. He didn't look happy.  
"Elliot, my office."  
I decided not to say anything. I felt for him. This was not an easy case for anyone. Tack on teenage daughters and that loser, and we were going to have a lawsuit on our hands. Fin snuck up beside me.  
"How'd it go in there?"  
I shook my head. "Awful. If we hadn't already lost this case, we have now. He's got Roger Kressler."  
"This might help you," he said, handing me a file. "I got a friend in Child welfare. They had a copy of his juvie record." I opened the folder.  
"Rape," I read. "And one count assault. He stabbed another guy." I looked up. "You think he killed Josh?"  
"It's better than our current leads."  
I nodded. "What do you say we have another chat with him?"  
  
"Where were you the night of the eighth?" Fin asked.  
"Home."  
"You know that just off the top of your head?" I asked.  
"Detective," his lawyer said warningly.  
"Can anyone verify that?"  
"Probably not. My roommates were out of town."  
"Hm. I find that interesting."  
"You have strange interests."  
"See, we know that you called Josh Davis at ten fifty nine that night. And we also traced the GPA. It came from the same block that Mother Teresa High School."  
"So?"  
"Same place Josh was killed."  
"Why'd you kill him?" Fin asked. "Was it because of Jamie?"  
"Why would I kill someone for her. She wasn't anything special."  
"You sure didn't seem to think so when you were raping her."  
"Arrest my client or leave him alone."  
"We did," I told him. "He's already under arrest for rape. We'll get back to you on the murder."  
"I want to talk to the ADA."  
"Suit yourself," Fin offered. We both left the interrogation room just as Alex was arriving. She handed me a paper.  
"Search warrant. Find me the knife used to kill Josh."  
"Thanks."  
  
"We're taking every knife back to the lab," one of the CSI's told me. "But I'm not hoping for much. None of them match the pattern on the knife used to kill your vic."  
"Thanks," I muttered. I went down the hall and found his room. It didn't look like your average college student's room. It was too tidy. Everything was too perfect. And expensive. Everything looked really expensive. I turned on his computer and waited for it to warm up. One drawer on his dresser caught my eye. In the midst of all the organization, there were papers poking out of this one. I opened it and found pictures of young girls. The couldn't have been more than sixteen or seventeen, and they looked like candids. On the back of some were dates and names, some had nothing. Lower in the stack, I found a group of Jamie. The date on the back was the same day that he had raped her. Underneath the pictures was something with a black handle, covered in a crusty blue towel. I opened the towel up gingerly and found a huge knife blade attached to the handle. There was brown stuff all over it, probably blood. There were places where the paint had flaked off. I pulled an evidence bag out and put it inside, then another bag for the pictures. I put them aside and went back to his computer, double clicking on his e-mail icon. It opened immediately, not asking for a password. I clicked on the first one that caught my eye. One from Josh.  
Tonight, behind the school. We can settle this face to face. Don't wuss out on me. Eleven o'clock.  
I looked at the date. The eighth of January. I clicked on his out box.  
You really think you can take me on pussy? Ha. I'll have as much fun with you as I did with your little girlie. I'll meet you. Name the place and time and I'll be there.  
That one had been addressed to Josh, a week before his murder. I turned of the computer and unplugged it.  
"Find anything?" Elliot asked.  
"I got the murder weapon. I've also got e-mails between Josh and Andrew. And I have pictures he kept of Jamie." He opened the evidence bag with the pictures in it. He looked through some, and got really upset when he came across one.  
"We should get back to the house," he said.  
"Yeah," I agreed, letting him make a quick exit. I picked up the picture he had been looking at. It had the name Stephanie on it with the same date that Jamie's picture. I shrugged and carried my evidence out to the living room where the CSI's were collecting it.  
  
Alex  
"Docket number 57429. People vs. Andrew Laurence. One count rape in the first degree."  
"How do you plead?" The arraignment judge asked.  
"Not guilty," his lawyer said.  
"People on bail?"  
"Remand, your honour. The defendant lured a seventeen year old girl and raped her. He has insufficient community ties and unlimited financials at his disposal. He is a flight risk."  
"He's a twenty-one year old pre-law student at Columbia. He's not going anywhere. I submit that he should be released on his own recognisance."  
"This isn't a shoplifting case. He raped a seventeen year old and proceeded to harass her with phone calls."  
"I don't see an indictment on that charge, your honour. The ADA has no right to bring up the phone calls."  
"Ms. Cabot?"  
"He's a sexual predator, your honour, and will not stop until we stop him. The people submit that he is a danger to the community."  
"This isn't a murder case, so I can't give you remand. Bail is set at $250 000. And we'll hold on to your passport, Mr. Laurence. Next case." 


	9. Elliot's Reaction Optional

Elliot  
Wednesday, January 15th  
"Elliot, what's going on?" Kathy asked me, looking up from the book she was reading. "Talk to me."  
I sat down, facing her. "It's nothing. Just a case."  
"Just a case is when you talk about it. You've checked on the kids four times in the last two hours."  
I exhaled slowly. "It's not one you want to hear about."  
"I'm not asking for the visuals. Is this about the boy who was killed?"  
"Josh. That's part of it. Do you remember the girl that Stephanie was talking about?"  
"Vaguely. Jenny something?"  
"Jamie."  
"What about her?"  
"She was Josh's girlfriend. And while we were investigating his murder, we found out that she was raped at a debate."  
"By who?"  
"A guy who had been one of her judges. There was a party in the dorm she was staying in. He got her into her room for some reason, and he raped her."  
She looked down. "And this was the debate we were going to let Maureen go to with Stephanie. It could have been her, Kathy. It could have been her."  
She looked up and put her hand on my shoulder. "But it wasn't. Elliot, I know that you have to deal with so much crap with your job, and it doesn't make it any easier to have to come home and deal with two teenage daughters. But you have to talk to me. You can't just keep shutting me out. It's not good for you, me or the kids."  
"Yeah," I said softly.  
  
In my mind, work and home were two completely different things. Work was work and home was home. I lived far away from the office, so the drive home was my chance to let it go. To stop being a cop and start being a dad. I separate the two, and there was no cross contamination. Except for cases like this. Cases where the victims could so easily be my kids. Jamie being my daughters, and Josh being my son. Kathy thought I deliberately tried to block her out. It wasn't like that. The easy thing would be to go home and dump it on her. But she was my wife, and I loved her. I couldn't tell her about the most horrific crimes that this society committed. I couldn't put her through what I felt everyday.  
Sometime after Kathy fell asleep, I got out of bed, still unable to sleep. I opened the door and found myself in Elizabeth and Dickie's room.  
They still hadn't gotten sick of sharing a room. Maureen and Kathleen had gone through a stage when they were sure that they wanted to share a room. It had only worked out for three weeks before they were ready to kill each other. This week, Elizabeth was on the bottom bunk.  
I worried about her a lot. She was ten, and she was smart, but still acted about seven. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe she wouldn't start giving me attitude or dating at age twelve like her sisters had. Or maybe she would be like so many of the victims I saw everyday. She was innocent, and could end up an easy target. I wiped her bangs off her small forehead and kissed her, pulling her blanket up to her chin.  
Then there was Dickie. He was really special. Possibly the only normal one in the house, considering I lived with four other women. He was the opposite of Elizabeth- mature for his age. He was determined to become a rock star. That's what had scared me so much when we looked through Josh's room. Dickie was going to start playing saxophone next year, as Josh did. Fear seized me when we looked through his room. I saw the picture of him and all I saw was Dickie. I pulled up his blankets and kissed his forehead. I silently shut their door and went into Maureen's room.  
Maureen was something else. She was at the awkward stage between being a kid and a grown up. She was moody and had just started dating. After a case Olivia and I had worked last year when we found out about girls her age having oral sex at the drop of a hat, I had tried in every possible way to keep her from dating. Of course Kathy had stepped in and straightened me out, but I was still afraid that she could become one of those girls. I hated the looks she got from guys, and the guys who looked at her. She was fourteen, but looked older. She thought she was older as well, and expected to be given special privileges. I was so afraid that someone would think that she was older, and act accordingly. She wasn't ready for a sexual relationship, no matter what she thought. I kissed her cheek and left her room.  
And finally there was Maureen. Kathy and I were so young when she was born. For a long time I thought that I hadn't done a good enough job as a father to her. But she turned out okay. Sometimes, I thought, better than the others. We had learned so much from her, probably more than she had learned from us. The first time I saw her, I couldn't believe that it was possible to love some one so much. She still looked just like Kathy. She had fallen asleep with her Discman on, music blaring. I gently pulled the earphones from around her neck, turned the Discman off and put it on her head board. I kissed her cheek and went back to my own bed, hoping that Kathy didn't notice that I was gone. 


	10. Chapter Ten

Jamie  
Friday, January 17th  
"Why didn't you tell us that Andrew had come to see you?" Det. Benson asked. We were in the interrogation room. I touched the ring that Josh's mom had given me.  
"I couldn't. I. . . I told you about the rape. I didn't think I had to tell you anything else."  
"When did he come to see you?"  
"A couple of days before Josh was killed. He came to school. I didn't know what to do."  
"Did he say anything?" Det. Stabler asked.  
"He smiled at me. Josh was there. I guess Andrew didn't want to say anything in front of him."  
"Did you ever see him and Josh talk?" Det. Benson asked.  
"No. But I know that he called Josh. He called me as well, but I got his number blocked. I don't know exactly how he got Josh's number."  
"What happened the day Josh was killed?"  
I felt my stomach knot up. It was time to tell everything. "Josh was distracted. I asked him about it, and he told me that he was going to meet with someone later. I put two and two together. I confronted him. He admitted it. I begged him not to, but Josh. . . he was so stubborn. He wanted to make Andrew pay for what he did. He. . . was like that. He cared about me. He was my knight in shining armour. Before him, I had so many guys treat me like crap. But he was so different. It wasn't like with everyone else with him. I've never been the prettiest, or the smartest, or the skinniest, but with him, I was. It didn't matter that I wasn't perfect. He just took me as I was." I touched my face, and realised I was crying.  
"Can you ID him in a line-up?"  
I swallowed hard. "I see his face every time I close my eyes. I'll ID him whenever you have him."  
"We've arrested him for your rape. We're working on him for Josh's murder."  
I looked down, my eyes filled with tears. "You think he killed Josh?"  
"I think so."  
I knew that he did it. I had known it for a long time. But when she said that, I just lost it. Josh had been killed because of me. It was my fault that he was dead. That he'd never got to university, or get married. He'd never get to grow up. And because he wouldn't, I would. Andrew could have killed me just as easily.  
"So what happens. . . if he did do it?"  
"We'll arrest him, and he'll go on trial. If they find him guilty, he could be looking at the death penalty."  
  
I still couldn't accept that he was really gone. Forever. One minute he was there, and the next he wasn't. It didn't make sense that someone could take him away like that. All I wanted was him back. Safe, happy, the two of us together. But instead, I was at the police station, trying to identify his killer.  
"Take your time," Det. Benson said soothingly as a group of similar looking men lined up. I tensed up.  
"Can they see me?"  
"No."  
"Step away from the witness, Detective. Honestly, I expect more professionalism from a trained SV-" the man in the corner ordered.  
"Shove it, Kressler," she told him, stepping back. I took a deep breath and looked. I scanned the faces of the first five. Nothing. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe as I passed his face. I felt like I was going to be sick.  
"Do you see him?" she asked.  
"Number six," I managed out.  
"Are you sure?"  
I scanned the faces again. "Yes."  
"Where do you recognize him from?"  
"He raped me." I couldn't take it any more, and I ran out of the room. Det. Benson came out a minute later.  
"I'm sorry. I just couldn't take seeing him anymore."  
"It's okay. Do you have a ride home?"  
"No," I said softly. "I'll just take a cab."  
"I'll drive you."  
  
"I hear you're a pretty competitive debater," she said to me as we pulled onto the main road. It was more than an hour later, when we finally left the station.  
"There's no such thing as an uncompetitive debater," I said, almost smiling. "It can be more cutthroat than Rugby."  
She laughed. "One of your friends told me that you could make it to nationals this year."  
"Who?" I asked, worried about who they could have talked to.  
"Lauren, I think. Do you think you're going to enter for it?"  
I hadn't really thought about actually doing it. "I don't know. Regionals are next month."  
"How long have you been debating?"  
"Um. . . about two years."  
"Have you thought about a career in law?"  
"Josh used to tease me about that. He'd tell me that the last thing this world needs is another lawyer. He thought I'd end up one. I'm not really sure what I want to do." I raised my hand to wipe some hair out of my face.  
"Wow, that's a beautiful ring," she observed. "It looks like an engagement ring."  
"It's a promise ring," I said softly. "The day after he was killed, Josh's mom came by. The day would have been our one year anniversary. She gave me the ring, said that he was going to give it to me for our anniversary and that when the time was right, he would have gotten me the real thing."  
"Do I turn left or right here?"  
"Right."  
"I tried debating when I was in high school."  
"How did that go?"  
"Well, some guy came up to the front of the class, and I couldn't understand a word he was saying. And then I was supposed to argue what he had said. I think the debate was supposed to be about abortion, but I argued the death penalty because that was all that I thought I could decipher from what he was saying."  
I smiled. That wasn't something that I had done a lot of since Josh had been killed. "Josh needed another credit, and had finished with his sciences this year, so he took law just to try and keep up with what I saying."  
"That's probably what I'd need to do if I ever tried it again." She turned onto my street, and I saw two police cars lined up in my driveway. When we came closer, I saw that the word bitch was written in huge red letters across the front window of my house. The front door was open.  
"Is anyone home at your house?"  
"No," I said, trying to figure out who would have done something like that. "I live with my mom, and she's away until next week. What's going on?"  
She turned into my driveway. "Stay here. I'll see what's going on." Before she had a chance to open her door, two police officers came out, with Andrew in between them.  
"I thought you arrested him. He was at the police station and hour and a half ago!"  
She turned to me. "He was there for your line-up. He's out on bail. We couldn't hold him any longer than we did."  
"So he can just keep doing this?"  
"We'll get his bail revoked. He won't be out after this."  
I felt like someone had punched my in the stomach. I wasn't safe anywhere. Not at home, not at school, not at work.  
"Do you have anywhere you can stay?" she asked me.  
"I. . . I don't know." I had no relatives around here. "Um, I guess I can stay with one of my friends." She pulled out her cell phone and handed it to me.  
"I'll find out what's going on. You should probably find somewhere to stay, at least for tonight. It'll take awhile here." I took the cell phone and she got out of the car. Ten minutes later, she came back.  
"Did you find somewhere?"  
"Yeah. What happened here?"  
She exhaled slowly. "The police responded to your alarm system. He broke in, messed some stuff up."  
"Can I see what he did?"  
"Yeah." I got out of the car, handed her cell phone back and we went into my house. Parts of the room had been marked off by yellow tape. I saw some broken glass here and there in the room. I went into the hall leading to my room, and found the word whore scrolled across the wall in blood red spray paint. A hole had been chopped in my door, right in the middle. I turned the handle, afraid of what I might find. Detective Benson was still behind me.  
My debate trophies and medals had been knocked all over the floor. Some were broken, some scratched, but mostly just on the floor. Some posters had been torn down. In the same red spray paint, more words were written on one wall. A framed picture of Josh and I from the junior prom was on the floor, the glass shattered, but the picture was okay. My bed spread had been torn up, my window broken.  
"What's that smell?" I asked. Something smelled bad. I opened my closet, and found all my clothes soaked in the foul-smelling liquid.  
"Gasoline," she said, smelling the clothes.  
"Why would he do this?" I asked. I looked on my desk. Everything had been thrown off, a case file sat alone with a post-it note on top.  
I told you I'd show you the case was scribbled in messy handwriting. I didn't need to took at it.  
"What's that?" she asked.  
"The Williams case file," I said softly. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

Munch  
"Did you drop Jamie at her friend's?" I asked Olivia as she came back into the squad room.  
"Yeah." She picked up her phone and pressed a button. "He really messed up her house." She put the phone to her ear, typed in some numbers, and listened for a minute.  
"Lab wants to see us," she said.  
"I'm game."  
  
"There was only one set of fingerprints on your knife," the lab tec explained. "They were your perps."  
"And the blood?" I asked.  
"It belonged to your victim, Josh Davis. There were also flecks of silver paint logged in the victims wound. They have the same chemical composition as the paint found on this knife. This is definitely your murder weapon.  
"Anything else you want to tell us? Like was there a signed confession?"  
"Hey, I can't to all your work for you."  
  
"Docket number 57915. People vs. Andrew Laurence. One count breaking and entering, three counts vandalism, four counts destruction of private property and one count murder in the first degree," the bailiff was saying just as Olivia and I sat down in the courtroom.  
"Weren't we just here, Ms. Cabot?" the judge asked.  
"We were, your honour. However, the defendant took his only hours of freedom and broke into the house of the girl he's been arrested for raping."  
"How do you plead?"  
"Not guilty, on all charges, your honour," his lawyer said.  
"People on bail?"  
"The defendant stabbed another man. He's got insufficient community ties, and after his last performance on bail, the people are asking for remand."  
"That's all I need to here. The defendant is remanded without bail. Next case."  
  
Alex  
Tuesday, January 21st  
"This case is about many things," I muttered to myself. "It's about a man who takes what no man should take. It's about a life being taken. It's about. . ." I ripped the paper off my notepad, and threw out my latest version of my opening statement.  
"Ms. Cabot?" a girl's voice came from the doorway. I looked up.  
"Are you Jamie?"  
"Yeah."  
"Come on in." I got up and shook her hand, then motioned for her to sit down. "Have you ever been in court before?"  
"No."  
"Okay. Lesson number one is answer as briefly and simply as possible. Only give yes or no answers whenever possible. Do you know what I mean?"  
"Yes," she said with a slight smile. "I know what you mean."  
"Good." I was glad that she was catching on easily. I had had to long a day to have someone not understand me. "I'm scheduled to present this case in front of a grand jury a week from today, and if that goes well, the trial will begin on the 5th of February."  
  
Friday, February 7th  
"What did you discover upon your examination of the knife, previously marked people's twelve?"  
"I found blood matching that of the deceased, Josh Davis, on it. There was one set of fingerprints, with an eleven point match to those of the defendant, Andrew Laurence."  
"And what, if anything, was special about this particular knife?"  
"There had been silver paint flake off. There were flakes found logged in the stab wound of the deceased which were an identical match to the chemical compounds found on the silver knife in this case."  
"What else can you tell us about the size on this knife?"  
" It was one inch wide, one quarter inch serrated and nine inches long."  
"In conclusion, what did you determine about this knife?"  
"It was definitely the weapon used to kill Josh Davis.  
"Thank you."  
"How long have you been working in the crime lab?" the defence lawyer, Roger Kressler, asked, getting up.  
"About six years."  
"And how many cases have you solved?"  
"Objection," I said, getting up. "Relevance?"  
"Let's move it along, Mr. Kressler," Judge Petrovsky ordered.  
"Yes, your honour. What can you tell me about the knife in general?"  
"Uh, mass produced, made in China, basically a regular kitchen knife."  
I cringed inwardly. That wasn't going to go well if Kressler did what I thought he was going to do.  
"When you say mass produced, how many are you talking about?"  
"In that particular batch, about 1200."  
"So that knife could in fact belong to any one of 1200 people?"  
"Yes."  
"So it's possible that my client just picked up the knife, someone else used it, and then proceeded to place it back in his drawer?"  
"No. The fingerprints had traces of blood in them. They were made when whoever touched it had traces of Josh Davis's blood on his fingers."  
"Assume you're right. They were made when my client had Josh Davis's blood on his hands. Is it possible that he touched the knife, say, an hour after the crime had been committed."  
"There's no way of determining at what time the fingerprints were made."  
"Thank you."  
  
"It was Saturday night, and we were staying at the dorms on campus. Around nine-thirty, I went to Jamie's room to see if she wanted to go to this story we had been talking about."  
"What, if anything happened when you arrived at Jamie's room?" I asked. Lauren had been a much better witness than I had been expecting. She had dressed conservatively, stayed calm, and answered all questions smoothly.  
"I knocked on her door. There was no answer. I was going to leave, but I heard noises coming from inside her room."  
"What, exactly, did you hear?"  
"I heard a girl- Jamie saying things like stop it, please stop, get off. Then there was a male who was grunting. I think he was saying something, but I couldn't make it out."  
"What did you do next?"  
"I went back to my room and called Mr. Shepard, our debate coach. He couldn't stay on campus, so he was staying at the nearest hotel. He always made sure that all of us had the number for where he was staying."  
"What did he say?"  
"He told me that he would be there right away, and to stay near her room. I did, and a minute later, a guy came out, alone."  
"Is the man who you saw come out of Jamie's room the night of the 9th of November in this courtroom today?"  
"Yes."  
"Can you point him out?" She pointed to Andrew. "Let the record show that the witness is pointing at the defendant, Andrew Laurence."  
"Did you see Jamie again that night?"  
"Yes. After Mr. Shepard came up to the dorm, she came out about ten, maybe fifteen minutes later."  
"Did you talk to her?"  
"I tried. She came out of her room and went straight into the washroom. I tried to talk to her, but she went straight into the showers. She didn't respond to anything I said. I don't know if she could hear me. I gave up after awhile. I really don't know how long. Another hour after that, Jamie came back out. I was sitting in the lounge, and I saw her go into my room. My door wasn't locked. I didn't know if I should interfere or not. I just left her alone."  
"Did anyone else attempt to talk to Jamie that night?"  
"Mr. Shepard did. Sometime after she went in, he asked me for my key. He thought that she could be hurting herself. I don't know what happened after that."  
"Where did you sleep that night?"  
"In the lounge. I didn't want to kick Jamie out, and I didn't want to stay in her room."  
"Thank you, Lauren."  
"How old are you, Lauren?" Kressler asked, still sitting down.  
"Eighteen."  
"And how long have you been debating?"  
"Objection. Relevance."  
"Mr. Kressler?" Judge Petrovsky asked.  
"Relevance will be made," he promised.  
"Prove relevance quickly or move on. Overruled. The witness may answer."  
"Almost four years."  
"And how many debates have you attended?"  
She thought for a minute. "I don't know."  
"Is it fair to say more than 20?"  
"Yes."  
"Now, you have an excellent record, don't you? In the last year or two particularly?"  
"Yeah, I guess. It depends on who you're comparing me to."  
"Well, you have come in the quarter finals, semifinals, even finals. You've come in the top twenty speakers about twelve times in the past two years, is that correct."  
"Your honour," I said.  
"Pick up the pace Mr. Kressler."  
"Now, when you were in Syracuse, did you make the finals?"  
"No."  
"Semifinals?"  
"No."  
"Quarter finals?"  
"No."  
"What about the top fifteen speakers."  
"No."  
"Do you know why you didn't make it into the top twenty?"  
"I did badly in one debate."  
"Do you know who your judge was in that debate that you did badly in?"  
"Yes."  
"And is he in this courtroom today?"  
"Yes."  
"Would you please point him out."  
My heart sank. He was going to make it seem like Lauren was testifying against him for revenge. Once again, Lauren pointed at Andrew.  
"Lauren, why are you testifying here today?"  
"Objection!"  
"Sustained."  
"Aren't you angry at Andrew?"  
"For the debate?"  
"Aren't you friends with Jamie?"  
"Yes."  
"So is it fair to say that you'd be happy to see the defendant get thrown in jail?"  
"Objection."  
"Mr. Kressler," Judge Petrovsky warned.  
"Withdrawn. Lauren, did you really see Andrew Laurence leaving Jamie Garner's room?"  
"Yes!" I took a deep breath. Lauren was starting to loose patience.  
"If you say so."  
"Objection. No question."  
"Sustained. You're skating on thin ice."  
"Nothing further."   
Judge Petrovsky looked at her watch. "This court is hereby recessed until 9:15 Monday morning." She pounded her gavel and rose. I turned around to face Olivia.  
"I'll bring you and Elliot in first thing Monday morning. We just ran out of time."  
"How do you think we're doing?"  
"I don't think that he convinced the jury with the fingerprints. We've still got them on that, but after Lauren's testimony, I don't know if the jury buys her account of what happened that night. It wasn't even her fault. Kressler is a jerk who'll bully anyone. I don't think he completely discredited her story though."  
"Excuse me, Det. Benson?" I looked beside Olivia to see Lauren standing there.  
"You handled that really well Lauren," I told her.  
"Thanks. I don't know how he found out about all that. I guess the university keeps old tabs."  
"You handled it better than I could have hoped for."  
"She's right," Olivia told her. "What can I do for you?"  
"I wasn't sure what to do before. I completely forgot when I was talking to you. I don't know if it'll still help."  
"What will?" Olivia and I asked in unison.  
"The day we left from Syracuse, I went into Jamie's room. My sister-in-law, my brother's wife, was raped a couple of years ago, and the thing that got her rapist convicted were the bed sheets. So I took Jamie's bed sheets. She was going to leave them there. I thought that there was a chance that she would come forward, so I kept them." She reached into her bad and brought out a large bag. "I hope there's something you can do with these."  
Olivia and I looked at each other as she walked away.  
"Can we use it?" Olivia asked.  
"Kressler's going to argue chain of evidence, but if you can definitively tie it to Andrew Laurence, I might be able to get it in. Get it over to your lab and see what you can do." 


	12. Chapter Twelve

Olivia  
I had to be honest. This case sucked. There were awful cases when a teenage boy was killed. Then there were awful cases when a girl was raped. But when you combined the two, the case just plain sucked.  
"Come on, Olivia, don't do this to me now. I get off in ten minutes, and I was in court all morning," the lab tec said as I walked in holding an evidence bag.  
"Sorry, looks like you're going to have to pull overtime. I need you to test these sheets," I told him, pulling the sheets out of the evidence bag.  
"What are you looking for?"  
"DNA on the bloodstain and test the sheets for semen. The perp didn't use a condom, so we have a shot."  
"Is this absolutely, positively necessary? Or can it wait until Monday morning?"  
"This could put a rapist currently on trial away for a long time."  
"Is this the Laurence kid?"  
"Yeah."  
"I thought that there was no physical evidence of the rape."  
"We were wrong. The girl who testified after you came forward and said that she kept the sheets that had been on the victim's bed."  
"I'll see what I can do."  
"Thanks."  
  
"Glad you could take time out of your busy social calendar to join us," Munch said, filling up a glass from the pitcher of beer he had in front of him and Fin when I got to the bar.  
"I was at the lab," I explained, setting my jacket on the empty chair beside me. "Elliot didn't come?"  
"He went home," Fin explained. "What were you doing at the lab?"  
"Lauren found me after court today. Apparently she saved the sheets that were on the bed when Jamie was allegedly raped."  
"Won't help us much. Kressler isn't denying that they had sex. He's just saying that it was consensual."  
"I don't know. We can figure that out when we get the results."  
"Do you think we have a chance at winning this case?" Munch asked.  
"I hope so. Jamie's testimony is going to put the final nail in his coffin," I said.  
"Do you know if the DA has approved Alex's death penalty motion?" Munch asked.  
"Last I heard it's still undecided. I think he's going to go for it." I took a long sip of my beer.  
"If anyone deserves it, it's this guy," Fin muttered. "Three years in SVU and I still can't understand why people would do something like this."  
"Doesn't get any clearer. I spent most of my career in homicide, and I don't get how anyone could kill someone else."  
I looked down at my drink, ignoring his comment, the face of Eric Plummer coming back to me. The man who's life I took.  
"How long do you think this trial's going to take?" Fin asked, noticing my expression.  
"Depends on how hard the defence is going to play."  
"And Kressler's going to play hard," I said, pouring myself another glass of beer.  
A pitcher and a half later, we decided to call it a night. I went to pay, but Munch offered to cover for me.  
"Thanks. Uh, I guess I'll see you Monday."  
"Bye." I turned to say goodbye to Munch.  
"Are you okay to drive?" he asked.  
"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.  
"Let me drive you."  
I hesitated. I had had four beers, and I probably wasn't okay to drive. "Fine."  
"What Munch said, it's getting to you, isn't it?" he asked when we were on the way back to my apartment.  
I shrugged. "He didn't know what he was talking about."  
"And the case?"  
"It sucks. It always does. The job never really grows on me."  
"I know the feeling."  
"It just takes so much out of you. I mean, we spend all our time working, and when were not working, we're obsessing about a case. And I don't know about you, but I haven't had a nice date in almost a year."  
"What happened to that guy. . . Kyle, I think you said."  
"Kyle was a long time ago. Then there was David, and Rick. None of them could deal with the fact that I'm a cop, or what comes along with it."  
"That suck 'Liv," he said in an almost sympathetic tone.  
"What about you?" I asked.  
He smiled. "Getting a date isn't a problem."  
"Ever so modest."  
"It's keeping them." He pulled into my parking lot.  
"How are you going to get home?"  
"Subway station's around the block. It's not far to my place." He turned the ignition off and handed me my keys.  
"Thanks," I said softly, taking them. "And Fin?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Thanks for driving me home."  
"No problem."  
"I'll see you Monday?" I asked.  
"Yeah."  
  
Lauren  
Sunday, February 9th  
"What wrong?" my sister in law, Amy, asked, sitting down beside me. She and my brother had come down for the weekend to announce that she was expecting.  
I looked up from the magazine I was reading. "Kevin hasn't told you?" My brother usually told her everything that had to do with me. He was really overprotective.  
"Told me what?"  
"I had to testify at my best friend's trial on Friday. I screwed up the whole case."  
"What's she on trial for?"  
"She's not on trial. She was raped, and the guy who raped her killed her boyfriend."  
"Why do you think that you screwed up the case?"  
"When the other lawyer was cross-examining me, he made it seem like I was trying to get revenge on this guy."  
"Why would you want revenge on this guy?"  
"He had been one of my judges. Uh, this happened at a debate. I hadn't made the top fifteen speakers because of the score that he gave me."  
"Is he claiming the same thing about your friend?"  
"He can't. We weren't working together on that debate, and his score put her up in fourth place at the tournament. He just says that the sex was consensual."  
"I don't think that you screwed up the case. Honestly, I don't. Defence lawyers blow a lot of smoke around, but it doesn't matter with the jury in the end."  
"Did they do that at your trial?" I felt guilty about asking, about bringing that up. She took a deep breath.  
"Yes. The defence was a real jerk. But the guy got convicted, and hopefully I'll never have to deal with him again."  
I nodded. "I don't know if it's going to happen with this guy. His lawyer's really good."  
"Who's his lawyer?"  
"Um. . . Chrysler or Chreston or something like that."  
"Kressler?"  
"Yeah, that's it. Do you know him?"  
"I've heard about him. He's a high-priced bully."  
"I just. . . I just hate that this happened to Jamie. I mean, if what happened to her wasn't enough, she lost her boyfriend as well. And now the guy who did it might get away with both."  
"Did you know her boyfriend?"  
I nodded. "We were friends. Josh was a great guy. He was totally supportive of her. They were so happy together."  
"How close were they?"  
"Really close. The day after he was killed, it was going to be their one-year anniversary. I don't know exactly what he was doing, but I know he had something really romantic planned." I looked at my clock. "Oh my God!" I jumped off the sofa and pulled my coat out of the closet.  
"What's wrong?"  
"I promised Jamie I'd go shopping with her. The guy who did this, he broke into her house when he was on bail, and doused her clothes in gasoline."  
"Do you want a ride?"  
"Do you mind?"  
"No. Come on."  
  
"I think that you should get some more stuff. This won't even last you the week," I said to Jamie as we sat down at the food court. After an hour, we weren't having much luck.  
"I guess. I don't know what I'm supposed to wear. I know that whatever I wear is going to make an impression on the jury." She looked so drained. The past few months had been so hard on her. I hadn't seen her like this before. I looked down at her salad and noticed that she hadn't eaten any of it, only pushed it around.  
"You'll do fine," I promised. "You haven't eaten anything."  
"I'm not hungry." She put down her fork.  
"When was the last time you ate?"  
"Lauren, I appreciate your concern, but I'm not hungry."  
"When you were staying at my place, I didn't see you eating much."  
"I'm just. . . I'm nervous. I don't know how this is going to go. I could put Josh's killer back on the streets. I was the one who got him killed anyways."  
It hadn't occurred to me until then that she blamed herself. "You didn't put him behind the school. You didn't hit him on the head. You didn't stab him."  
"But why was he there in the first place?"  
"He was there because he wanted to be there. You did everything you could to stop him. It's not your fault, Jamie."  
She looked down. "I don't know how I'm going to do this," she said softly. Jamie didn't usually show when she was that upset, even with me. "I mean, this was hard enough to deal with when Josh was here, but now he's gone, and I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with everything. I know I sound crazy, and you can skip your lecture about how I shouldn't have been so involved in a relationship when I'm still so young, but I was. And I loved him Lauren, God, I loved him."  
"I know. You know, Josh once told me that he felt like you two had known each other forever, and he didn't worry about your future because he felt like he knew you'd be together. I told him he was crazy."  
"He was crazy."  
"And proud of it," I laughed. Jamie smiled.  
"Did you know that he snored?"  
"Josh?"  
"Yeah. We used to fall asleep while we were talking-"  
"So that's why I could never could never get through."  
"I had fallen asleep one night, and I woke up for some reason or another, and he was snoring. At first I couldn't figure out what it was, but. . . He sounded like a jack hammer."  
"I can just picture that," I said, cracking up.  
"When I stayed the night," she continued, beginning to laugh, "there was nothing. I didn't hear a thing. But on the phone. . ."  
"He woke your neighbours."  
"Nope. That was only when we were-"  
"That's enough details." She finally took a bite of her salad.  
"We should get going again." 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Alex  
"When did you first meet the defendant, Andrew Laurence?"  
"In the afternoon of Saturday, November 9th."  
"How did you come about meeting him?"  
"He was a judge in one of my debates."  
"Did you have any further contact with him that afternoon?"  
"No. The next time-"  
"Wait for the next question," I told Jamie. We were working on her testimony Sunday evening. Lucky for me, I had no social life. "When did you next have contact with Mr. Laurence?"  
"Later that night. There was a small party in the dorm we were staying in, and he was there."  
"Did you approach the defendant?"  
"No. He approached me."  
"What, if anything, did he say to you?"  
"He told me that I had done really well in the debate earlier the day. We began talking about an upcoming debate."  
"Did the defendant at any time suggest that you should leave?"  
"He suggested that we go to my dorm room, so that he could show me a casefile on the internet."  
"Did you leave with the defendant?"  
"Yes."  
"Did you return to your dorm room?"  
"Yes."  
I was worried about the answer to the next question. "I'm not going to ask you at trial, but the defence probably will. Had you been drinking or doing drugs?"  
"I had had a few beers."  
"Few?"  
"Two plastic glasses."  
"Had you had that much before."  
"Once or twice. Josh got pulled over by a cop on a random test when I had had more beer than that. I had to have an alcohol field test. I was under the limit."  
"Do you remember when you were pulled over?"  
"Um . . . It was summer. We were on our way to Lauren's cottage. . . uh, July, early July, probably the fourth of July weekend."  
I pulled out a notepad and jotted it down. "Do you know what intersection you were at?"  
"No. I know that we were near a diner called Frenches's."  
"How about the officer's name?"  
"Willis. I think her first name started with K."  
"Okay, I'll see if I can find that report. Now for the next couple of questions you're going to have to be really careful how you answer. I will guide your questions as best possible, so don't elaborate on your answer. If I need you to, I'll ask you to, okay?"  
"Yeah."  
  
Jamie  
Wednesday, February 12th  
"Did you go up to your dorm room with the defendant?" Alex asked. I took a deep breath. I knew that the next couple of minutes could potentially change my life forever. I tucked some random hair behind my ear.  
"Yes."  
"What, if anything, did the defendant do once you reached your room?"  
"He closed the door. I had purposely left it open."  
"What happened next?"  
"Jose- I mean Mr. Laurence kissed me."  
"How did you react?"  
"I pulled away. I told him that I had a boyfriend."  
"How did Mr. Laurence react to your comment?"  
"He grabbed my wrists and threw me down on the bed." My hands were shaking. I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want to answer these questions. I didn't want the whole court room to know what had happened that night. I wanted to go home. I wanted to find Josh. He could make it better. He could always make it better. I pinched myself, quickly snapping me back to reality. Josh was gone. I couldn't get out of this. I sat up a little bit straighter.  
"What, if anything, happened next?"  
"Mr. Laurence climbed on top of me. He ran his hand up my leg, and unsnapped me jeans."  
"Did you say no?"  
"Yes."  
"Did you tell the defendant to stop?"  
"Yes."  
"Did the defendant stop?"  
"No. He took off my jeans. His pants too." I couldn't breathe I couldn't talk about what had happened. I touched the ring that Josh had given me, feeling his presence around me, calming my nerves. "And then he raped me."  
Alex didn't say anything for a minute, letting the jury murmur. "Did the defendant say anything during the attack?"  
"He- he kept grunting 'it's all good'." The tears I had been trying so hard to fight back were beginning to spill over. I let them fall.  
"What happened after the attack was finished?"  
"He pulled up his pants and bolted."  
"What, if anything happened the day of January 12th?"  
I took a deep breath. "I found out that Josh- uh, Josh was going to meet with Mr. Laurence."  
"How did you come about this knowledge?"  
"Josh had been distracted, and I knew that Mr. Laurence had been in contact with him. I confront Josh and asked him if he was going to meet with him. He said yes."  
"Do you know why the deceased, Josh Davis, would have met with the defendant?"  
"Josh wanted to give Mr. Laurence a piece a his mind. Josh. . . Josh knew what he had done to me."  
"He knew that the defendant had raped you?"  
"Objection," the lawyer said, standing up. "Move to strike."  
"Sustained. The jury will disregard the last comment. Watch your step, Ms. Cabot."  
I didn't know what I had done wrong. I looked at the jury. They didn't seem to have been effected by the judge's decision.  
"Did you ask Josh not to go?"  
"Objection! Hearsay."  
"Sustained. Ms. Cabot?"  
"To your knowledge, did Josh still go to meet with Mr. Laurence on the night of January 12th?"  
"Yes."  
"No further questions."  
"I'm very sorry for your loss," his lawyer said, standing up.  
I didn't say anything. There was no question, I didn't have to answer  
"Did you have an intimate relationship with the deceased, Josh Davis?"  
I shrugged. "We were really close."  
"A yes or no answer, if you will, Ms. Garner."  
"Intimacy isn't an action, Mr. Kressler."  
"Move to strike. Unresponsive. Please order the witness to answer."  
"She's answered, Mr. Kressler. You're the one who needs to rephrase."  
I saw Alex smile. It was only tiny, only for a second, but I could see it.  
"Yes, your honour." He smiled, then turned back to me. "Were you having a sexual relationship with Josh Davis?"  
"Could you define sexual relationship please?"  
"Were you having sex with Josh Davis?"  
I inhaled slowly. "Yes, I was."  
"And were you using protection?"  
"We didn't need to. Josh was infertile."  
"Basically you were having sex with a guy older than you, without any form of contraception?"  
"Yes."  
"So would it be fair to say that if you were having unprotected sex with one man, you could be having unprotected sex with another?"  
"No. I was in a monogamous relationship." Great. Now I sounded like a slut.  
"Hmm. You didn't come forward to the police right away, did you?"  
"No."  
"In fact, you didn't sing the 'he raped me song' until you were a suspect in Josh's murder, did you."  
My heart was pounding. It hadn't been like that. It really hadn't been like that.  
"Objection."  
"Rephrase your question, counsellor."  
"Did you or did you not only report the alleged rape when the police questioned you as a suspect?"  
"Yes."  
"Why hadn't you reported it before then?"  
"Because I hadn't fully come to terms with what had happened to me. I still haven't. What happened to me was personal, and I wasn't prepared to talk to complete strangers about it."  
"Were you, in fact, suspected of killing Josh?"  
"I don't know. You'll have to ask the detectives who I talked to."  
"Had you been drinking the night of your alleged rape?"  
"Yes."  
"Had you had one drink?"  
"Yes."  
"Two?"  
"Yes."  
"Three?"  
"No."  
"Were you intoxicated?"  
"No."  
"Are you not accusing my client of rape because you made a bad decision when you were under the influence of alcohol and had sex with him?"  
"No!"  
"You're accusing my client of rape to cover for your bad decision! Was it you? Did you kill him?"  
"Objection!"  
"Mr. Kressler, back off."  
"No further questions."  
I was literally shaking when he finished asking me questions. Alex got back up.  
"How long had you been dating Josh Davis when you first consummated your relationship?"  
"Four and a half months."  
"Had you had any previous sexual partners?"  
"No."  
"So you had no history of infidelity?"  
"Objection. Leading."  
"Sustained."  
"Had you ever cheated on Josh?"  
"Not willingly."  
"Can you elaborate on that, please?"  
"The only time I had been involved in any behaviour that could been considered cheating was when I had been forced."  
"Was is only the one time when you maintain that you had been raped?"  
"Yes."  
"Had you ever had the same amount of alcohol in your blood before?"  
"Yes."  
"I would like to bring the jury's attention to a police report by officer Karen Willis. It's from the fifth of July, 2002. During a random Breathalyzer test, Josh Davis's car was pulled over. He was under the limit, and so was Jamie. How many beers had you had that night?"  
"Three."  
"And the report reads that you were under the limit. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, this report proves that Jamie Garner was not legally intoxicated."  
I let out my breath slowly. Alex had this covered from every angle. She was going to win this case. She could do it. 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Thursday, April 3rd  
  
"Hey Josh," I said softly, laying the dozen roses I had brought down in front of his tombstone. "Happy birthday. I know I haven't been here lately. I took me awhile to be able to do this.  
  
"They got your killer. He was convicted of first-degree murder last month, among other things. It was the same guy who raped me. The district attorney is asking for the death penalty. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I know you were against the death penalty. We'll see on Monday, I guess.  
  
"I went to regionals after everything. There were these two amazing detectives who were investigating your murder, and one of them, she probably didn't even realise she did, talked me into it. I won. Well, Lauren and I won. We went to states and came in second. We're going to nationals now. Can you believe it? Nationals.  
  
"Your mom came to see me. She gave the ring, and told me what you were going to do. I want you. . . I want you to know, that you didn't have to give me that ring." I knew my voice was cracking. Tears formed in my eyes. "I'm yours forever. I love you Josh. I always will. It's easy as that. You know what the first thing I did when we came in second for states? I called you.  
  
"Andrew ruined my life. He was like a cloud. He just took away all the light in my life. First, he raped me, and took part of me away. But I still had you. And I still had part of myself. But when he took you away. . . he took the rest of me. It was just. . . Boom. You were gone."  
  
"Jamie?" a voice asked from a distance.  
  
"I'll be there in a minute," I called, then turned back to Josh. "I miss you so much. I still can't accept that you're never coming back to me. That I can't call you whenever I need to talk, or just sit on the line, knowing that you're there. I can't figure how I'm supposed to live without you. I know you were a firm believer in things happen for a reason. So I can't be mad at you for dying. I wish I could, but there's no one to blame. It was just. . . it happened. I can't change that." I stood up. Around me, flowers were beginning to peek through the brown clumps of grass. Life was beginning again. So was mine. This time, it was without Josh physically, but he was still here with me. He'd never leave. We'd been one when he was here. Why would it change now?  
  
"Bye," I whispered. "I love you." I took a deep breath, and my first step with my first acceptance of what had happened.  
  
"Ready?" Lauren asked as I approached her.  
  
"Yeah." I wiped my eyes and she gave me a hug.  
  
"You did it," she said softly. "You made it."  
  
I nodded. "I did, didn't I?"  
  
We let go of each other and walked down to the car that was waiting for us.  
  
"You're done?" Mr. Shepard asked. I nodded again. "Are you okay?"  
  
I looked at him for a minute. "You know what? I think I am."  
  
He smiled. "Now, if you two will get in the car, we have nationals to get to." Lauren and I exchanged grins. The three of us piled into the car and it took off. And although he was gone, and although I sounded crazy, I felt Josh closer to me than ever before. 


End file.
